Emo Roxas Fic for Ai Ani Chapter 3

Classes seemed to fly by as he distracted himself with drawing in his notebooks.

The urge was undoubtedly still there...

But as he immersed himself in improving the rough sketch he had started earlier, he found his strength growing little by little...

As if he was drawing his salvation there upon the page...

Through biology he shaded and made the picture more real...

The tattoos more defined...

Eyes so intense and green they looked as if they would blink at any moment...

Then the bell rang...

/Lunch time? Already?/

It was like he had been on autopiolet all morning, like his desires to harm himself had disappeared as if he had been sleeping...

He stretched out in his chair and packed the drawing away in his folder.

Sora stopped at his desk as if wondering if he should say something, then seemed to think better of it and instead simply nodded at Roxas before making his way out of the classroom.

The blonde watched him leave and then pulled his bag onto his shoulder and walked out of the classroom.

/Do I go to the toilets or do I go to the canteen... I guess he'll be expecting me to go into the toilets.../

With that he walked towards the toilets but before he was even inside Axel was walking out.

"Hey Roxas."

Roxas nodded feeling his gut tightening as they walked away from the toilet, Axel was walking calmly looking ahead.

"You know what? Canteen food sucks... Do you wanna go somewhere outside the school?"

Roxas cocked his head to the side.

"The nearest place is like a twenty minute walk..."

Axel raised an eyebrow.

"Yes but we won't be walking..."

The redhead grinned and pulled keys out of his pocket and jingled them at Roxas.

"You have a car?"

Axel nodded smiling happily.

"Yeah just don't be expecting anything amazing..."

Roxas grinned despite the urges that were now coursing through his veins.

"You okay?"

The blonde sighed heavily.

"It's just... Difficult..."

The redhead put his hands on Roxas shoulders.

"It will be... But you can get through it."

Roxas looked into his intense green eyes.

"I-I..."

Suddenly his self doubt was melting away again.

"You can do it..."

Roxas took a deep breath and Axel took his hands off Roxas' shoulders and smiled.

"There you go... One step at a time... Try and go for the next five minutes... And see how you feel after that okay?"

"Okay..."

"You've done the whole day so far... I mean like what's five minutes?"

The blonde was feeling determined but weak all at once...

"Come on..."

Axel grabbed his forearm and led him out into the car park, then hit a button on his keyring.

Somewhere in the car park an alarm disarmed, Roxas looked towards the source of the noise.

A silver two seater car appeared to be where the sound was coming from...

Roxas took a deep breath trying to ease his urges.

"I know you told me that your car isn't impressive... But well I'm impressed... This is a nice car..."

Axel smiled.

"It gets me from a to b and gets me some approving looks from chicks you know? So it's all good!"

Roxas laughed as Axel opened the door of the car for him to hop inside.

"Your chariot awaits..."

"I bet the girls love you..."

The redhead laughed.

"If they loved me that much I wouldn't be single right now would I?"

"Maybe you're just fussy? Or a player?"

Axel shrugged.

"Nah... I just haven't found the right one yet... You know?"

Roxas nodded in understanding.

"I know what you mean..."

Axel put the key in the ignition and started up the car.

"So what are you thinking would be good for lunch?"

The redhead looked over at Roxas.

"Try and think of something else Roxas, like food... Or hot girls... Or naked llamas..."

The blonde looked over at Axel.

"Naked llamas?"

The redhead pulled out of the parking space.

"Hey it worked didn't it?"

The blonde grinned then laughed.

"Yeah I guess it did..."

They drove around until they came to the exit and pulled out onto the main road.

"Hmmm... How about we go for pizza?"

"Pizza sounds great actually..."

"Cool... I know this great little pizza place about ten minutes away... You will not get pizza like theirs anywhere else... Plus the owner, Demyx always gives me discounts."

The blonde raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

Axel laughed.

"When you get to know me better you'll realise just how much pizza I eat..."

Roxas poked him in the side curiously.

"But you're so skinny!"

The redhead grinned.

"Just good genes I guess..."

Silence fell over the car and Axel turned on the radio...

Voices filled the car in the absence of their own...

"How you feeling?"

Roxas sighed.

"Weak, stupid... Like an idiot..."

Axel was looking at the road.

"You're not weak stupid or an idiot... What you're going through happens to the best of us..."

/Us...?/

Roxas gazed over at Axel.

"Us? Have you..."

He saw Axel's jaw tighten and his hands clench the steering wheel and decided to say no more.

"Here's the place..."

Roxas looked out the window at the little pizza takeaway and restaurant.

Axel pulled the car over and parked outside Roxas kept quiet and got out of the car.

The redhead stepped out and locked the car up and seeing Roxas expression sighed.

"Some day I'll explain... It's just tough right now..."

"Okay... I'll say no more about it..."

Axel walked towards the pizzeria then stopped and turned around.

"Hey..."

He took in the upset teens expression and without thinking walked over and hugged him.

"Come on... Lets go get some pizza okay?"

Roxas nodded his dark expression lightening a little.

"I'm sorry Axel. I didn't mean to pry..."

"Forget about it... Come on I'm starving..."



Roxas followed Axel into the restaurant where a blonde greeted them happily.

"Hello Axel and Axel's friend...?"

"Demyx this is Roxas."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Roxas! Will you be eating here or taking away today?"

"Uhm..."

Axel looked over at Roxas.

"How much longer do we have left?"

Roxas checked his phone.

"About twenty minutes..."

Axel sighed and looked at Demyx.

"I guess it's gonna have to be take away."

"No problem! What size and toppings would you like?"

Axel smiled.

"I'll have my usual!"

Roxas was staring off into space.

"Roxas?"

"Huh?"

"What do you want on your pizza and what size?"

"Oh uhm... Pepperoni ham and sweetcorn... And I'll have a medium... Thank you."

The blonde smiled and nodded.

"I'll try get it done as quick as possible!"

Roxas took a seat.

"So Axel how've you been?"

"I've been okay... Same old same old... You?"

Demyx smiled.

"Business has picked up, you must be keeping your promise!"

Axel grinned.

"Hey I brought you a new customer haven't I?"

Demyx smiled over at Roxas.

Axel started playing with a pen on the counter.

"So hows the family?"

"You mean Zexion? He's doing well! Living and working together is doing wonders for us!"

Axel laughed.

"I'm glad!"

Zexion came out from the back holding two boxes.

"Axel's special and one pepperoni ham and sweetcorn pizza!"

"Hey Zexion!"

"Hi Axel! Long time no see!"

"I saw you last week..."

"That is a long time for you to go without pizza and you know it!"

Axel nodded in agreement.

"True... Whats the damage?"

Demyx shook his head.

"You keep us in business Axel, so no charge."

The redhead smiled.

"Thanks a million Demyx, Zexion... Better run school awaits and we're probably gonna be late as it is..."

Axel grabbed the pizza boxes and made his way out the door.

"Enjoy!"

"Will do thanks again guys!"

Roxas smiled and waved as they made their way back to the car...

"Goddam it... Hey Roxas can you grab my keys?"

The blonde nodded.

"Sure where are they?"

"My pocket..."

Roxas flushed a little.

"Uhm... Maybe I'll just take the pizzas?"

Axel thought for a moment and then agreed.

"Yeah actually that might be a better idea..."

Roxas took the pizzas out of Axel's hands and the red head pulled the keys out of his pocket and opened the door for Roxas.

"You in? I'll need you to hold those for a little while... Is that okay?"

Roxas nodded and Axel hopped into the drivers seat and fastened his seat belt.

"Ready to go?"

The blonde shook his head.

"I can't get my seat belt on..."

The red head leaned over him and pulled his seatbelt from over his shoulder...

His body was close now...

Roxas nose caught a fragrance...

Some kind of cologne mixed with cigarette smoke...

On anyone else it would have been repulsive...

But somehow on him...

It was...

"Roxas?"

The blonde looked at Axel like a rabbit caught in headlights.

"Huh?"

"Are you okay holding the pizzas now?"

"Oh yeah... I'm sorry... I'm kinda out of it today..."

Axel smiled and started up the engine.

The blonde teen looked out the window at the passing city.

"You feeling okay?"

Roxas looked over at Axel and nodded.

"I'm feeling a bit better..."

The redhead pulled over under some shaded trees in front of a chain link fence beyond it was a park, with a sparkling pond and a few ducks swimming upon the gleaming surface of it.

"Hey we're gonna be late back anyway... We may as well enjoy it eh?"

Roxas looked at the park in front of them.

"I don't think I've been here before..."

Axel smiled.

"Surely you must've passed it at some stage..."

Roxas shrugged.

"Probably I just don't remember it being this, well nice..."

Axel took a pizza box off Roxas lap and opened it.

"This little one's yours..."

Roxas took the box from him and let Axel pull the other one off his lap, Axel planted the pizza box on his lap and eagerly opened it...

He picked up a slice and bit into it.

"Mmmmmm..."

The redhead closed his eyes as he relaxed back into his seat and enjoyed his food...

He looked like he hadn't a worry in the world, it was like he was just happy to be there, to be alive...

Roxas stared in wonder until the redhead suddenly opened his eyes again.

"What?"

The blonde shook his head rapidly as if shaking off dizziness or wet from his hair after being caught out in a down pour...

"Do I have food on my face or something...? And why aren't you eating? Don't you like pizza?"

The blonde looked down at the box on his lap and opened it, he had some questions for Axel but more than aware of the redheads gaze he picked up a slice and took a bite, as he chewed the flavour caught him by surprise.

"Wow... This pizza is actually really great..."

Axel grinned and Roxas smiled sheepishly down at the pizza on his lap.

The blondes eyes scanned the park as he smiled contentedly munching on a slice of pizza, but Axel's eyes were firmly glued to Roxas...

The redhead shook his head and fixed his eyes on the steering wheel.

"Maybe we should start heading back..."

Roxas sighed chewing on a pizza crust.

"Okay..."

Axel smiled.

"Well we don't have to go back..."

The blonde smiled.

"I know... But we should really..."

The redhead grinned.

"One half day would hardly do that much harm..."

The blonde glanced down at his lap then out the window.

"I guess I could say I didn't feel well...?"

The redhead grinned and pulled the car out of the parking space.

"But... My mom would kill me if she found out... She has so much going on right now and..."

Axel nodded wistfully and turned the car towards the school.

"Okay then... I guess you're right..."

Roxas fiddled with the corner of the pizza box.

"Maybe... We could do something over the weekend?"

The redhead smiled.

"Sure thing..."



The rest of the school day seemed to go quite slowly.

Roxas kept thinking of the park and the pizza and how easy it seemed...

Axel was someone who understood, completely, who gave him choices but tried to guide him at the same time...

/Why can't all my friends be like that...?/

He drifted through the day barely noticing anything or anyone.

Almost every teacher in every class commented or gave out to him for his lack of concentration, by the end of the day his head was resting on his forearms and he had his ear phones in...

Mind wandering endlessly thinking and trying to comprehend that finally someone got it...

So why did he still feel so sad?

He wandered out of school at the end of the day, it was raining again...

Sighing to himself he started to walk through the carpark when a silver two seater car pulled up beside him the door opened and Axel motioned for him to get inside.

"Hey! Hop in I'll give you a ride home."

Roxas happily accepted and jumped into the car beside Axel closing the cold wet day outside.

"Much better..."

"You cold?"

Axel turned up the heating in the car and started to drive out of the car park.

"Thank god it's Friday huh?"

Roxas shrugged.

"I never really liked weekends... Too much time to myself..."

The redhead kept his eyes on the road.

"Don't you have friends or siblings to chat to?"

Roxas shook his head.

"How about your parents?"

The blonde shook his head.

"My mom enquires about me... But I lie to her... A lot..."

He laughed a little.

"She still thinks I'm friends with Sor..."

Axel nodded.

"She still thinks everythings ok, that your friends haven't had enough of you and even if she suspects something is going on she thinks that your friends are supportive enough of you to get you through it because she doesn't wanna smother you?"

The blonde looked over at Axel wide eyed.

"What the fuck? Are you psychic or something?"

The redhead shook his head.

"Been there done that bought the t shirt..."

Roxas stared over at him.

"Uhm... Can I ask you something?"

Axel shrugged.

"You can ask... But I can't promise I'll answer."

Roxas nodded.

"Are you living at home with your parents?"

Axel's eyes were firmly on the road.

"Technically yes... Which way is it to yours?"

"Take the next right and keep going straight til you hit the lights then right again, what do you mean technically?"

"Well... My parents are divorced... My mothers an alcoholic and my dad well he's really strict and is a believer in physical punishment... I live between them if you get me. I'm trying to make it so that I can go and live with my older brother Reno... He wants me to move in with him but its taking time to make him my legal guardian... So for the moment I'm stuck inbetween my mother and father who are getting angrier at each other and at me for trying to get away from them by the minute..."

Roxas nodded.

"That must be tough..."

Axel shrugged.

"They're not all bad... They just have bad points and are going through tough times right now and I just can't deal with that."

Roxas nodded.

"This is my house here..."

Axel slowed down and pulled up in front of his house.

"I just have one more question..."

The redhead sat back in his seat and looked over at Roxas.

"Shoot..."

"Do you... Or have you... Self harmed...?"

Axel's face fell for a moment then he quickly regained his composure.

"The answer to that question... Will probably take a bit more time to explain... How about I swing by here tomorrow we go for a drive and I'll tell you all about it then?"

Roxas looked at Axel in wonder.

"Okay then..."

"I'll pick you up at about twelve?"

"Sure..."

Axel smiled.

"Take care and be good... You know what I mean."

Roxas nodded and waved as he walked up to his front door.

His mother opened it before he could get his keys in the door.

"Hey Roxas."

"Hi mom..."

"Who drove you home? Did Sora get a car?"

Roxas smiled and scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"Actually his name is Axel... He's someone I just started talking to."

His mother smiled and nodded.

"You made a new friend? Well that's great!"

"Yeah... In fact we're going out for a drive tomorrow."

"Are you not gonna meet Sora and go to the cinema like you usually do on a Saturday?"

"No... Uhm... Sora's really busy with Kairi lately anyway... So I'll probably be hanging out with Axel for the next few weeks you know?"

His mother nodded.

"Okay, well I gotta head out for a bit, theres tonnes of stuff in the fridge and freezer I've just been shopping... I'll be back in about an hour or two okay?"

"Sure... Thanks mom."

His mother hugged him and kissed him softly on the forehead and then left, the minute the door clicked shut behind her, his self belief started to crumble.

He went into the kitchen and tried to fix himself something to eat, but knives glistened everywhere, daring him to give in...

Turning away from the kitchen he walked into the living room and turned on the tv, music blared out of the speakers suddenly making him jump, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest now.

He moved to the sofa to sit, he could feel sweat beads forming on his forehead...

/I need to... I just can't take this!/

Standing up from the sofa he moved out towards the kitchen again, his eyes caught every sharp edge, every shining blade, glass mirrors anything that would provide a quick clean relief...

His feet moved as if they had a life of their own, his hand reached for a blade handle from the knife block...

Gripping the handle now he pulled it out of its wooden block slowly, admiring its clean shining edge...

His heart beat was fast he could physically feel it hammering against his ribs as he wielded the blade, control was in his hands again, he would feel his imprisoning freedom again...

The blade was mere inches from his skin now...

Coolness awash from root to tip of his shining blade...

His hands were shaking from sheer anticipation...

Centimetres now...

The doorbell rang suddenly, Roxas dropped the blade to the floor.

/What the...?!/

His blue eyes were wide as he went to open the door, his mind wanted one thing and one thing only...

The door swung open and there smiling sheepishly was Axel.

"Hey, you left your phone in my car and..."

Axel's eyebrows furrowed as he took in Roxas pale face.

"You... Don't look so good..."

The blonde could feel his face fall, he sucked in a breath and avoided Axel's gaze...

He turned his back on Axel and walked into his house running one hand through his hair breathing deeply.

"Hey, what's up?"

Roxas sat down at the kitchen table and stared at the shining knife he had dropped, Axel walked into the kitchen and looked over at Roxas, on following his gaze to the floor Axel walked to the knife, picked it up off the floor and put it back into the wooden block which held several chopping knives.

The redhead sighed and sat down at the kitchen table along with Roxas.

Roxas hands were balled into fists which he was intently staring at...

Axel spoke softly.

"Hey... Are you okay?"

The blonde shook his head violently.

Axel nodded understanding.

"Okay..."

He looked around the kitchen and listened for a moment then guessed that Roxas wouldn't be trying to cut if anyone was in.

"... Did you...?"

Roxas once again shook his head.

Axel sighed a breath out that he was unaware he was holding in.

"Well thats good... You could have and you didn't..."

There was a storm forming quickly behind the blonde teens eyes.

"The only reason I didn't was because when you rang the doorbell it made me jump and I dropped the knife..."

Axel shrugged.

"You could've ignored me knocking and done what you had intended to do... But you didn't, did you?"

Roxas shook his head tears falling freely down his face.

"No I guess I didn't..."

Axel smiled as Roxas stood up and moved out towards the hallway.

"But I just... I feel like... It doesn't mean I won't..."

Roxas walked up the stairs towards his room Axel followed up the stairs slowly...

"You know Roxas the only person who can stop you from doing that to yourself, is you..."

The blonde teens door slammed and Axel made his way up to the closed door and sat with his back against it.

"Remember, your mother cares for you... Your dad does too I'm guessing... He just doesn't know how or else doesn't get a chance to show it... And your friends... That brunette kid still cares too..."

Roxas on the other side of the door wiped tears away from his eyes.

"Sora doesn't give a fuck about me... None of them do, they left me when..."

"When...?"

Axel calmly waited for a response.

The blonde on the other side of the door balled his hands into fists and practically snarled.

"When I needed them most..."

The redhead nodded.

"Well it doesn't make up for past pain... But when you need someone now, I'm here... You just have to let me in..."

Roxas stood up from the floor and swung the door open causing Axel to fall backwards from his sitting position, onto his back on the wooden floor of Roxas bedroom.

The redhead grinned.

"Well that was easy..."

Roxas looked down at him with tears in his eyes.

Axel sat up and reached his arms out to Roxas who leaned down and hugged him tightly back.

"I just don't know what to do Axel..."

The redhead squeezed him tightly enjoying their closeness more than he knew he should be, he reached a hand up to stroke Roxas' blonde hair.

"You'll be okay..."

As Axel's fingers softly stroked the back of Roxas head things seemed to become tense...

And as soon as it had started Axel broke the embrace and let things snap back to normal...

/As they should be./

He told himself.

Roxas sighed deeply as they pulled away from each other wondering what it was that had just passed between them.

/I feel... Odd.../

As Roxas kneeled on the floor beside Axel he questioned himself momentarily and almost said what he wanted to say out loud, but let it slide for fear of where it might lead, of hurt...

They stared at each other for another few moments both somewhat aware of where this seemed to be going but not willing to accept it.

Axel cleared his throat and stood up dusting off his jeans and offered Roxas his hand as a help up off the floor which the blonde a little flustered by the thoughts running through his mind cautiously accepted.

The redhead gripped the blondes forearm and pulled him up a little harder than he had expected...

Roxas felt himself fall forward and put his hands against Axel's chest without thinking...

Blue eyes scanned up, from his chest, to his neck, his chin...

Then he saw acid green eyes staring right back down at him...

Axel tried to breathe softer as Roxas stared up at him...

He didn't want to startle him or scare him away, so he stilled himself, even his thoughts and contented himself with staring into the perfect blue of Roxas' eyes...

His heart was starting to race and he briefly wondered if Axel could hear it as loudly as he could, his breathing was beginning to become unsteady...

Without thinking he tilted his head up towards Axel letting his eyes fall closed...

The redhead let his eyes close and he leaned downwards...

The rattle of keys in the door startled them and they separated immediately.

Roxas walked over to his X Box and turned it on, he absently threw a controller towards Axel who caught it and following Roxas example of lounging casually on his bed silently sat down cross legged on the floor...

"Roxas?"

The blonde put down the controller and walked out of the room without so much as looking at Axel, the redhead listened as Roxas walked quickly down the stairs.

"Is someone here with you?"

Axel smiled from the top of the staircase down at Roxas' mother, he walked down casually and addressed his mother politely.

"Hello, I'm Axel... Sorry to intrude like this Roxas left his phone in my car, I was just dropping it back..."

The woman shook her head.

"No no! You're not intruding! Please stay as long as you like!"

Axel smiled.

"Thank you very much, but I really should be getting home..."

Roxas seemed to find his voice again.

"Or you could hang out for a bit, play some X Box, maybe we could order in some pizza later?"

The redhead smiled politely feeling unsure of himself.

"Well I guess I could call my bro and let him know where I am..."

Roxas tried what he thought was a warm and genuine smile at him but he knew that Axel could see right through it...

The blonde teen started off back up the stairs, Axel followed trying to smile and seem genuine...

"Oh, awesome car by the way!"

The redhead turned and flashed a brilliant smile at Roxas' mother before retreating back into Roxas' bedroom and closing the door behind him.

Roxas opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but thought better of it and closed it again.

Axel sat in silence as Roxas set up a lobby for them to play Left 4 Dead 2.

"So... What's this about anyway?"

Roxas shrugged not looking at him.

"Blast everything that gets in your way basically... Oh except the weird chick going around crying she's called the witch and believe me, you're better off just leaving her alone..."

Axel nodded and played through the first level terribly...

His mind was wondering what the hell was going on, but his hands were trying to press the right buttons to mangle zombies, he died less than half way through.

Letting out a long sigh he laid the controller down on the ground and said words that he didn't even want to hear himself saying.

"Roxas, we need to chat..."

The blonde kept playing.

"What's up?"

Axel sighed.

"What happened...? Back there...?"

"You got incapitated by a hunter and I got there too late to save you..."

Axel shook his head.

"No I mean before that... We almost..."

Roxas eyes seemed to glaze over.

"Oh... That..."

He paused the game and laid the controller lightly down on the bed in front of him, his eyes were on his hands now.

"Yeah... That... I... Well I..."

Axel took a deep breath and closed his eyes, he tried to say what he wanted to say again.

"I..."

Roxas moved off the bed silently and looking at Axel trying to get out what he was trying to say smiled kneeled down next to him and closed his own eyes.

Roxas' lips met Axel's softly...

Their hands remained stiffly at their sides as their lips kissed gently, separated and kissed again...

Then their lips separated, their eyes opened slowly...

Roxas looked into his eyes for a moment smiling shyly...

Then he scampered back onto his bed and unpausing the video game resumed playing.

Axel couldn't help but smile at his pink cheeks and flustered expression...

"So tell me, when does Rochelle come back as zombie Rochelle and chomp on your brains?"

Roxas laughed still clearly flustered.

"It doesn't work like that, we find you in a closet and let you out..."

"You let me out of the closet?"

"Yeah then your character..."

The blonde looked at Axel and started laughing.

"Talk about a one track mind... Jeez Axel!"

Axel grinned.

"Hey you can let me outta that closet anytime!"

Roxas shook his head.

"I wonder who is letting who out of the closet here..."

Their eyes met again for a moment and grinning they went back to playing the game.

"So when are you gonna let Rochelle out of this closet?"

"There should be one around here soon..."

"Awesome... You gotta admit though, I am crap at this game."

Roxas shrugged.

"I've seen much much worse... Okay you're the first I've seen to get smoked literally after being released from the closet... But thats just bad luck..."

Axel looked over at Roxas.

"Or maybe I'm just distracted...?"

The blonde smiled as Axel sat up on the bed next to him, and then they continued to play.

Emo Roxas Fic for Ai Ani Chapter 2

That night Roxas lay in bed staring at the ceiling.

/It's okay... I understand.../

He replayed the memory in his mind over and over again.

/I just don't get it... I barely know him... And yet, hes shown me more kindness and understanding than anyone has in a long time.../

He ran his hands over his covered arms.

/When he held me I just felt so... Ashamed... But I felt like he understood too.../

Rolling over onto his side he stared at the wall...

/I wonder if I'll see him tomorrow.../

With that thought in his mind he drifted off into a deep sleep.



Axel stood at the side of the school the next morning smoking a cigarette.

/Somehow I always get myself into awkward situations with people... My guess is he'll avoid me now because I butted in where it wasn't my business and hugged him inappropriately I mean I don't even know him... Who the fuck am I to tell him I understand?/

His eyes glanced down at his arm but he pushed the thought away and looked up towards the sky instead...

The sky was grey and there was a chill in the air.

Axel couldn't remember the last time it had been this cold.

He took a long drag from his cigarette, he could physically feel the cold creeping down his throat along with the cigarette smoke.

Pulling his hoodie closer to him he put the cigarette out in a nearby puddle and threw it into a bin.

He picked up his backpack and throwing it over one shoulder walked around to the front of the school and went inside to escape the cold.



Roxas walked to school slowly this day despite the fact that he knew he was gonna be late...

/I wonder if he'll ignore me now... Or feel awkward around me...?/

His lips were breathing out small clouds of hot air everytime he exhaled, he shivered a little and pulled his hood up.

/I should hurry up before it starts to rain.../

He started to walk faster towards the school...

Raindrops started to fall on the grey pavement in front of him.

/Damn it!/

Knowing he was less than two minutes from the school he broke into a sprint...

Fat drops fell from the sky turning the pavement from light grey into darker colder grey...

He rounded a corner quickly, he could see the school gates now.

Raindrops were pelting down soaking everything and creating puddles.

Throwing the gates open Roxas ran as fast as he could towards the school his hood fell down revealing his blonde hair to the merciless rain.



Axel was standing just inside the doorway of the school when he saw Roxas running towards the school entryway.

His hair was soaked the look on his face was utter determination and his cheeks were flushed from either the cold or the exertion of running...

The redhead watched as Roxas burst through the doors...

Their eyes met momentarily then Roxas closed his as he leaned his hands just above his knees and gasped for air.

Axel simply stayed where he was leaning against the wall looking out at the rain, as he stared at the increasingly heavy rain he could hear Roxas breath become less ragged and more controlled.

"Hey Roxas..."

The blonde looked up.

"Hey... Axel..."

Green eyes met blue from across the empty hall.

"How are you today?"

Roxas shrugged standing up fully.

"Wet?"

The redhead smiled at him and unzipped his own hoodie.

"Here..."

Roxas looked at the redhead like he was crazy.

"I can't take that... It's freezing out there today..."

Axel shrugged.

"I'm pretty warm blooded... Plus I'd feel awful if you caught a cold... Anything that makes life a little less stressful is welcome right?"

Roxas thought he caught a double meaning in Axel's words but reached out to take the hoodie anyway and noticed a small piece of Axel's exposed arm...

His eyes opened a little in surprise.

The redhead followed Roxas gaze and hastily pulling his shirt sleeve down handed Roxas his hoodie and picked up his backpack.

"Guess I should get to class..."

Roxas nodded lamely when Axel stopped and turned around again.

"Uh... See you at lunch?"

"... Sure, yeah..."

Axel smiled and nodded before turning his back and turning off the main corridor to go to his class.

Roxas stared at the hoodie in his hands and made his way to the nearest bathroom.

Checking around him he pulled his wet hoodie and t shirt off and turned on the hand drier...

The warm air on his hair and neck was a pleasant feeling...

/Why did he give me his hoodie... I mean... Why does he give a fuck if I get soaked coming to school or not...?/

His skin dried quickly under the warm air of the hand drier and once he was dry put Axel's hoodie on.

Everyone was in class, but he feared that someone could come in at any moment...

Fear coursed through his veins when he thought of someone else seeing his fresh cuts and scars...

They were easier to hide than explain...

Holding his t shirt under the hand drier he waitied for it to start to dry and thought again about Axel's exposed wrist.

/Was it a trick of the light...? Or did I actually see what I thought I saw there...?/

He moved his t shirt around in his hands so it wouldn't burn under the drier.

/I could ask him about it... But then I'd have to tell him about me... He knows.../

Roxas suddenly felt one of his fingers burning and pulled back quickly from the drier.

"Fuck!"

He put it into his mouth to try and ease the pain of it...

Moving into a cubicle he removed Axel's hoodie and pulled his t shirt back on...

It was warm from being under the drier...

Over it he put on Axel's black hoodie and carried his own wet one to his locker, opening it he hung the hoodie up carefully hoping that it might dry off a little by the end of the day.

He closed the door of his locker taking in the eerie silence of the corridors for a moment...

Then the bell rang and he noticed in fright that first class had already ended.

He was very very late.



He sat down in his next class and put his bag down next to him, Sora shot him a concerned look as he walked into the classroom.

Catching his eye he stopped for a moment.

"Everything okay this morning?"

The blonde nodded.

"You were late... I just thought..."

Roxas sighed.

"I just slept it out..."

Sora nodded.

"Okay... I- I'm glad you're alright..."

With that the brunette walked away and took his seat across the classroom.

Roxas watched him wanting to say something, but what could he say?

They'd tried to help, he'd tried his hardest, they'd given up and at the end of the day he'd been rejected.

He sighed and took out his notebook and English book and started to draw.

A face started to appear in front of him...

High cheekbones...

A pointed chin...

Spiked hair...

Tattoos under the eyes...

And those intense yet gentle eyes...

When he looked at the whole picture it was only a rough sketch...

He dropped his pencil surprised that this was what had come of his random sketching...

It was unmistakably him...

He sat back in his seat and rested a hand against his cheek.

Looking at the picture he sighed.

/If my friends could be as understanding as him... I guess we'd still be friends.../

He was staring at the teacher with mild interest...

But nothing she was saying was registering very well...

It was coming up to their 20 minute break and the urge was creeping up on him again...

He could feel his fingers tighten on the edge of the desk.

Trying to distract himself he started to think about a movie he'd watched last week...

About what he would do on the weekend...

Then his thoughts started to rush on to his mother, his father...

His so called friends...

Roxas urge to self harm was rising fast...

He chewed his bottom lip and tried to pay attention...

Blue eyes kept looking to his bag...

Roxas knew all too well that if he wanted to he could...

Did he want to?

Of course...

But something in him was dead set in fighting it today...

The bell rang...

He threw his things into his bag and left the room quickly...

It was breaktime now, he had 20 whole minutes to kill...

/Axel is probably in the canteen.../

His eyes looked at his bag again...

/You should go to the canteen you know you should.../

His feet however had different ideas and he turned at the last minute and he turned to the bathroom before the canteen...

Roxas could feel sweat building up on his forehead.

/I can't... But I need to.../

With that he pushed the door open and was greeted with a cold breeze and the smell of cigarette smoke.

Axel turned with a start.

"Oh... Should've known it was you..."

He nodded at Roxas with a slight smile and turned to face the window again to smoke his cigarette.

The blonde stared up at the tall figure leaning on the window ledge smoking out the open window.

"Did you dry off okay?"

Roxas nodded.

"Yeah I did... Thanks for the hoodie... I was freezing when I got in here..."

The redhead turned to face him.

"Like I said earlier any thing that eases the stress of your day is welcome right?"

Roxas nodded slowly his eyes gazing towards the bathroom stall...

The redhead caught this slight eye movement and threw the cigarette he was smoking out the window.

"So how about we go to the canteen and I buy us some coffee? We only have about 15 minutes left and I am nothing without my caffine in the morning..."

The blonde hesitated.

"Uhm... I..."

Axel sighed.

"Or I could stand here and smoke another cigarette while you go into that bathroom stall..."

The blonde looked into Axel's concerned eyes.

"I just... I... It's hard okay..."

The redhead nodded.

"I know it is... But if we walk away now we can get some coffee and talk about it if you want to... Maybe we can distract you for a bit..."

The blonde shook his head.

"Theres no hope for me... I've been through all sorts of distraction methods... I've tried everything I can think of..."

Axel shrugged.

"How about just talking about it?"

The blonde shook his head frantically.

"I can't it's just... Too hard... I can't even say it..."

The redhead smiled at him.

"I'm not asking you to say anything... All I'm asking is that you come with me to the canteen for a coffee..."

Roxas looked from Axel to the bathroom stall then slowly moved towards the door of the toilets and the redhead moved behind him...

The toilet door opened and Roxas stepped back out into the corridor Axel moved out after him and slowly they walked towards the canteen together.

Roxas was wide eyed and looked on the edge of panic.

Axel looked at him and stopped.

"Hey... We can go sit somewhere else if you'd like?"

"Uhm... Yeah... That might be better..."

The blonde looked pale and uncomfortable.

They took a seat on a bench not too far away from the canteen.

Roxas just seemed to stare at his feet forever.

Axel sat beside him and stared at the wall across the way almost afraid to see how bad Roxas looked.

"Man maths class sucked this morning... I only made it in for like the last ten minutes or something... He spent those last ten minutes questioning where I'd been... And he was accusing ME of wasting class time when he was the one who didn't stop going on about me being late for a quarter of the damn class... Stupid huh?"

Roxas nodded looking over at Axel.

"Yeah... I didn't actually make it to first class at all... I was getting dried off from the rain... Then Sor... An... Old friend was questioning me as to where I'd been for the whole class... He doesn't sit with me at lunch and barely talks to me anymore, but the minute I'm late for one class he gets all 'oh shit maybe he's fucking killed himself or something'... Although... The fact that he or the rest of them don't talk to me anymore isn't entirely their fault... They don't get..."

He looked at Axel willing him to understand.

"It..."

The blonde sighed.

"They don't understand why I do... It..."

Axel nodded returning his gaze.

"You'll find most people won't understand why you do it... Or how hard it is to stop doing it..."

Axel swallowed hard and looked away from Roxas.

"Unless they've done it themselves..."

Roxas looked at him with sudden understanding lighting up his eyes.

/So that's why.../

The bell rang and Axel stood up.

"I guess we should get going then..."

The blonde stood up and walked after Axel.

"Hey, meet you at lunch time?"

The redhead looked over his shoulder and nodded.

"Sure..."

Roxas stopped walking and looked down at his fidgeting hands.

This was the first morning break in months that he hadn't self harmed during...

Roxas watched as Axel walked away.

He had no idea why he cared, or why he wanted to help him, he knew little about Axel and Axel knew little about him...

But he had stopped him from self harming...

And for the first time in a while...

He felt a slight hope build up inside himself...

/If I can get through the morning without doing this... Then maybe I can get through more.../

A quiet determination found its way through his veins and he made his way to his next class.

Emo Roxas Fic for Ai Ani Chapter 1

It was no great unknown fact that the majority of people around him thought he was a freak.

This was a fact that hurt him a lot more than he'd ever dare let on.

As he ate and watched the others socialise he could only wonder where he'd gone wrong and why he no longer fit in with that crowd...

Even his own best friend had eventually given up.

He watched the brunette eat lunch with their old friends and felt envious...

He couldn't figure out why he felt the way he did or what compelled him to do the things he did...

One of the goth kids he'd got talking to once told him it's a form of addiction...

He didn't understand it then...

He sure as hell did now...

Pushing the barely touched lunch away from him he picked up his messenger bag and left the canteen...

Checking there was no one following him he went into the bathroom.

No one followed him anymore he was sure today would be no different...

But he always checked...

Just in case...

After all the secret was what made his habit so deliciously forbidden, effective and addcitive...

He looked around the bathroom and under the stalls to make sure no one else was around to catch him in the act.

Before he closed the bathroom stall he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror and slammed the stall door closed on it.

/You're looking like shit these days Roxas.../

Shaking the voice away he searched his backpack for the small paper package...

He pulled books and paper and pens from the messenger bag in a frenzy to find it...

Finally at the end of his bag there it was...

His fingers gripped it carefully, while his other hand worked to get the sellotape off...

Impatience made him anxious and he ripped it off with his teeth...

Glistening in the dull light he held it for a moment as if reconsidering his actions, or admiring the beauty of the moment...
He could almost feel it already...

The adrenaline, the slight rush...

The release...

Pulling up his sleeve and holding it with his teeth he brought the shiny silver blade down on his pale white skin...

There were loads of these silvery scarred marks on his arms criss crossed with newer angrier red ones...

Hundreds maybe...

Each one with its own time and reason.

Blood rose to the surface as he pulled the razorblade across his skin...

He closed his eyes against the world and the pain he was causing himself, for these few moments he could just forget all of it...

Be himself and indulge in his addictive harmful habit...

He was looking for no ones sympathy or attention...

Merely a release that would keep him from going off the rails until the end of the school day...

His old friends, they didn't understand that...

No one seemed to quite get it...

Except that one goth kid who'd left over 2 years ago...

He'd heard she'd killed herself ballsy bitch...

Suicide...

The thought crossed his mind in an instant and lingered on the outskirts of his mind as an antidote to all his problems...

He pressed some tissue paper to his arm breathing in sharply against the sting of it.

Moaning quietly as the pain shot through him he felt better momentarily before the world dropped back into place around him.

He took a deep breath and stood up throwing the tissue into the toilet he flushed it and left the bethroom stall to wash the blood off his hand...

When someone startled moved by the window.

"Jesus... I thought you were a teacher..."

Roxas looked up at the person smoking out the window like a deer in headlights.

/Shit I've been caught.../

The person flicked the cigarette out of the window and took another look at Roxas.

"You might want to put a band aid on that dude..."

Roxas stared at the tall figure as it moved closer to him and past him...

He walked out of the door without even looking back at him...

Roxas stared out after him bewildered...

/Who was that...?/

Quickly he washed the blood from himself and pulled his sleeves down, making his way out of the toilets he watched as the tall figure made its way down the corridor.

Hair the colour of blood stood atop his head in defiant spikes...

Roxas wondered who he was...

Then the bell rang and the tall teens figure was quickly swallowed up by the crowd of rushing people...



Roxas sat doodling on his notebook through his next three classes.

/Who was that? And why didn't he freak out like everyone else has when they've caught me at it...?/

Blue eyes looked at him from across the room.

He pretended he didn't see him...

Sora still looked over at him sometimes with hope in his eyes...

Like he might witness some kind of miracle if he stared randomly enough times...

The fact remained that they simply didn't understand.

He tried to explain to them what was wrong with him, that it was an addiction and the only thing that made him feel able to cope...

But they didn't get it...

How could he expect them to, when he didn't even fully understand it himself?

After about a minute of Roxas pretending to not see him Sora turned his gaze back to his notebook and started taking down notes about what the teacher was saying.

Roxas sighed to himself.

/Who the hell was that guy? And put a band aid on it... Cheeky bastard.../

When he snapped back to reality students were leaving the classroom...

So he gathered his books together and threw them into his messenger bag not really paying attention to what he was doing and dropped one of them on the floor.

A hand reached down at the same time his did and picked it up...

When he looked up his eyes met with a similar shade of blue.

/Sora.../

"Here..."

Roxas took the book and pushed it into his messenger bag.

"Thanks..."

The brunette simply nodded smiled awkwardly and walked away.

Roxas looked after him wanting to say something...

But he could think of nothing to say to him that would benefit either of them so instead he just watched him.

/Damn it.../

His words stuck in his throat as he watched him go...

He wanted to be better...

He wanted things to be the way they used to be...

But he stood completely still as Sora faded away into the steady stream of students that flooded the halls and let his eyes slip to the floor.



After what seemed like eons he was finally heading towards his locker to lighten his load...

/Finally, I'm finished with this shit hole for the day.../

"Watch it! Oh... Hey I know you..."

Green eyes looked down at the shorter blonde he'd knocked down, he grabbed Roxas forearm and helped him back up.

"You're that emo kid... From the bathroom the other day..."

Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Yeah and you're that dude who sparks up and uses it as an excuse to spy on people in the bathroom when he thinks no ones looking..."

"Fair enough..."

Axel pushed Roxas back on his ass.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Well if you're gonna be rude about my habits..."

"You started it fire crotch..."

Axel's lips lifted into a grin at one side.

"Now unless you were spying on ME in the bathroom... How on earth would you know that?"

Roxas face reddened up.

"You're a fucking asshole! You know that?"

Axel answered in the most sarcastic and dull voice he could muster.

"No... Thats a new one... No ones ever called me that before..."

"Go fuck yourself..."

Roxas paused realising he didn't know his name.

"Axel..."

"Go fuck yourself Axel!"

Roxas was up off the floor now and walking away.

"So aren't you gonna tell me your name?"

"Fuck you!"

The red head was full on grinning after the blonde now.

"Only in your wildest dreams!"

"Your mom's in my wildest dreams!"

"You sure it's my mom and not my dad?"

"What? Oh just piss off!"

Axel continued to grin to himself as he watched the blonde walk away.

/Gutsy little bastard!/



/Fucking prick... Who the fuck does he think he is?/

He opened his locker and throwing his books in slammed it shut.

/Who the fuck does he think he is talking to me like that?/

Stomping towards the door he swung it open...

/Total bastard.../

"Roxas!"

The blonde turned at the sound of his name.

"Huh?"

"Roxas!"

Axel was calling him from behind the doors he'd just swung open grinning at him.

The blonde flipped him off and kept walking.

Axel rolled his eyes and lazily swinging the door open easily caught up with the blonde who was clearly trying to storm off.

"You know flipping people off is rude?"

"Yes I am aware of that, did you also know it's the international sign for 'go away nasty twat bag?'"

The redhead raised an eyebrow.

"Twat bag you say? Never heard that word before... You'd think if it was internationally recognised I would have..."

Roxas narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips...

He could feel his body tensing up...

Then exhaling slowly and feeling outwitted and defeated he let his shoulders slump and his face loosened up again.

"Look... Why are you following me?"

Axel shrugged cocking his head to the side in thought.

"Then can you leave me be?"

The redhead stopped walking and watched the blonde pull the hood of his hoody up and walk away.

He knew nothing about him other than that he went to the same school as him, he could give snappy come backs and that he was a self harmer...

What worried him was that he could physically feel the sadness that surrounded him...

Part of him wanted to turn away and just forget about the weird little blonde kid and what he'd caught him doing...

Part of him wanted to mean the 'band aid' comment he'd shot at him...

The other part of him wanted to help him...

Why?

He had no idea...

But as he watched him move slowly alone down the street something shifted inside him...

Something he knew silly jokes and comments couldn't solve...

/But why should I care about what he does? He's just... Another person... Another person who I don't even know.../

Axel stared after him and caught his gaze as he looked back...

Two things were obvious...

Roxas needed help that he definitely wasn't getting...

And...

There was more to this situation than met the eye...



Roxas walked away briefly looking back at Axel and then speeding up.

/Why was he talking to me...? He made me feel stupid and then suddenly he's concerned.../

His thoughts whizzed through his head in confusion he absently wiped a tear away from his face, it had been so long since someone had just been able to talk to him like that...

/Am I lonely...?/

He shifted his messenger bag awkwardly on his shoulder...

/I don't need anyone... I am okay alone.../



Axel sat in his car for a few moments before starting the ignition.

/It's not my responsibility.../

With that he turned the key in the ignition and drove towards his house.



Roxas sighed as he arrived home and put his key in the door...

He wiped tears away from his eyes and forced a smile onto his face.

"Hey Roxas."

"Hi mom."

"How was school today?"

"Great!"

"How's Sora doing?"

The blonde felt a tug in his chest remembering Sora picking up his book for him earlier.

"He's good..."

His mother smiled kindly at him.

"Are him and Kairi still together?"

Roxas nodded.

"Yup... Uhm... I'm gonna go take a shower..."

His mother nodded her long blonde hair falling forward over her shoulders.

"I'll call you when dinner's ready okay? I'm doing your favourite, pepperoni pizza."

"Thanks mom... I won't be long..."

As soon as his face was out of sight of his mother it fell...

He hated lying to her...

But she had so much of her own stuff going on right now with his dad...

It seemed wrong to burden her with his problems when he could relieve them so easily himself...

Roxas walked to his bedroom door and opened it he stared inside and sighing walked in and closed the door after him...

Slowly he pulled his hoody off and then carefully removed his long sleeved t shirt...

His forearms from wrist to the crook of his elbow were a home and witness to his self mutilation...

He hated it, that he did this to himself disgusted him and made him feel ashamed...

The fact that he needed it seemed like something he could never physically tell anyone...

Sure people knew...

Or they at the very least had an idea...

But to say the words would be admitting it...

And the thought of that scared the hell out of him...

He pulled his trainers and socks off and undid the belt of his jeans and let them fall to the floor...

Stepping out of them he made his way to the bathroom attached to his room and got into the shower.

A warm blast of water washed over his hair and face...

/I wish someone understood.../

He closed his eyes and sighed leaning his hands against the tiled wall, letting the water ease him of the stresses of the day...

His thoughts suddenly thought of what had happened with Sora and then with Axel...

/Weird day.../

He carefully washed the new cuts on his forearms wincing at the slight sting of water on newly open wounds.

/I'll cover them up let them heal and no one will ever need to know.../

Turning off the water he stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist.

He knew he was safe in here...

Maybe his mother sensed something she just didn't want to know was lurking around somewhere in his room, but for whatever reason she never came up when he was at home...

When he wasn't home she made his bed and hoovered...

Anything he didn't want found was well hidden so this didn't worry him...

And if his blades were found...

He would pass it off as needing them art class.

They were after all a set of sharp artists blades...

No one would question him...

He was top of his class in art and found drawing and creating an easy thing to do...

Fake 'pretty' and 'normal' work adorned the walls of his house in frames...

Flowers, birds, trees, portraits of happy smiling people...

His real work however remained in school or hidden in notebooks...

Dark twisted scenes...

Dismembered bodies, beautiful angels whos wings were burning as they fell screaming and crying as though ripped from heaven and banished to earth their faces contorted into expressions of absolute torture, endless eyes of different colours with tears falling from them, or filled with hatred and anger...

And one particular recurring drawing of a boy with his knees drawn to his chest in a black hoody and his face in his hands as though he couldn't take it anymore...



This was the drawing Axel caught Roxas drawing in the canteen the next day while passing by his table at lunch time.

The redhead stopped for a moment quietly looking at the concentrating blonde draw...

It was like the whole world just melted away around him and it was just him and his idea coming to life on his sketch pad.

His head turned suddenly facing Axel...

For a moment Roxas looked scared like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't be, but in that same moment his gaze became guarded again as he regarded Axel with an awkward but steady look.

He closed his notepad and threw it into his messenger bag standing up as Axel sat down.

"Hey... Aren't you gonna eat anything? Lunch has barely started..."

Roxas shrugged looking at his hands which were self consciously tugging at the end of his sleeves.

"I'm not really hungry..."

The redhead looked him in the eye.

"Hey if you don't want me to sit here I'll move. I don't mind, just thought you could use some company."

The blonde nodded but still moved away from the seat he was sitting on and pushed it back under the table.

"I just find it hard to concentrate on drawing when there's other people around..."

Axel looked around.

"But the canteens crowded..."

Roxas nodded.

"I know... It's hard to explain..."

He went to move away from the table.

"Roxas..."

The blonde looked over his shoulder at Axel.

There was something in his gaze that made him feel uneasy...

Maybe Axel knew what he was really going off to do?

He looked back at the redhead once again as he walked out through the canteen doors, the redheads gaze was still on him...

The doors swung closed behind him and he made his way down the hallway to the toilet...

Locking himself into the familiar cubicle he looked for his little silver blade tucked away into the depths of his bag wrapped in sellotape.

Feeling it in his hand he pulled it out and tore the tape off quickly...

He sat down on the toilet seat.

Holding the left sleeve of his long sleeved t shirt in his teeth he held his pale inner arm up and slowly brought the blade down across his skin...

He could feel his heart beat speeding up as the pain dulled his senses, a drop of blood made a slow trail across his arm and then dropped to the tiled floor...

Exhaling a breath he didn't know he was holding in he closed his eyes...

Behind them he saw Axel staring at him in the canteen that look that had made him feel so ill at ease...

He opened his eyes again and watched the drops of blood fall from the cut on his left arm to the floor...

Sighing a deep sigh he pulled some toilet paper from the roll and pressed it against his inner arm...

He wiped up his blood from the floor, threw the paper in the toilet, flushed it, then wrapped the blade in some paper and threw it into the bin.

Roxas unlatched the cubicle door and opened it slowly, though the crack of the opening door he saw a shock of blood red spikes by the window.

/Damn it.../

He stood in the cubicle for a moment wondering how to handle this situation.

/Think think think!/

Pulling down his left sleeve he pulled the door open slowly and walked to the row of sinks...

Axel didn't even look over he just kept gazing out of the window smoking his cigarette.

Roxas washed his hands staring at them under the cold running water...

As he dried them he looked up at the back of Axel's head...

He continued to smoke his cigarette out the window seemingly oblivious to Roxas' presence.

The blonde picked his messenger bag up off the floor and walked out of the toilet.

Axel looked towards the door as he left...

/It's not your problem... You're not responsible for him... You don't even know him.../

He flicked the cigarette out of the window.

/Then why do I feel so afraid for him...?/

He made his way to the door of the toilet and walked out only to see Roxas half way up the hallway turning back around to face him.

Axel caught his gaze and started to walk towards Roxas...

Before the blonde teen could move or walk away Axel was beside him and pulled him into a hug.

Roxas was wide eyed as Axel held him against his chest.

He could hear Axel's heart beating and then he said something that no one had ever said to Roxas before.

"It's okay... I understand..."

With that he let him go and walked down the empty corridor leaving Roxas stuck for words and staring at him as he turned down another corridor out of sight.