That night Roxas lay in bed staring at the ceiling.
/It's okay... I understand.../
He replayed the memory in his mind over and over again.
/I just don't get it... I barely know him... And yet, hes shown me more kindness and understanding than anyone has in a long time.../
He ran his hands over his covered arms.
/When he held me I just felt so... Ashamed... But I felt like he understood too.../
Rolling over onto his side he stared at the wall...
/I wonder if I'll see him tomorrow.../
With that thought in his mind he drifted off into a deep sleep.
Axel stood at the side of the school the next morning smoking a cigarette.
/Somehow I always get myself into awkward situations with people... My guess is he'll avoid me now because I butted in where it wasn't my business and hugged him inappropriately I mean I don't even know him... Who the fuck am I to tell him I understand?/
His eyes glanced down at his arm but he pushed the thought away and looked up towards the sky instead...
The sky was grey and there was a chill in the air.
Axel couldn't remember the last time it had been this cold.
He took a long drag from his cigarette, he could physically feel the cold creeping down his throat along with the cigarette smoke.
Pulling his hoodie closer to him he put the cigarette out in a nearby puddle and threw it into a bin.
He picked up his backpack and throwing it over one shoulder walked around to the front of the school and went inside to escape the cold.
Roxas walked to school slowly this day despite the fact that he knew he was gonna be late...
/I wonder if he'll ignore me now... Or feel awkward around me...?/
His lips were breathing out small clouds of hot air everytime he exhaled, he shivered a little and pulled his hood up.
/I should hurry up before it starts to rain.../
He started to walk faster towards the school...
Raindrops started to fall on the grey pavement in front of him.
/Damn it!/
Knowing he was less than two minutes from the school he broke into a sprint...
Fat drops fell from the sky turning the pavement from light grey into darker colder grey...
He rounded a corner quickly, he could see the school gates now.
Raindrops were pelting down soaking everything and creating puddles.
Throwing the gates open Roxas ran as fast as he could towards the school his hood fell down revealing his blonde hair to the merciless rain.
Axel was standing just inside the doorway of the school when he saw Roxas running towards the school entryway.
His hair was soaked the look on his face was utter determination and his cheeks were flushed from either the cold or the exertion of running...
The redhead watched as Roxas burst through the doors...
Their eyes met momentarily then Roxas closed his as he leaned his hands just above his knees and gasped for air.
Axel simply stayed where he was leaning against the wall looking out at the rain, as he stared at the increasingly heavy rain he could hear Roxas breath become less ragged and more controlled.
"Hey Roxas..."
The blonde looked up.
"Hey... Axel..."
Green eyes met blue from across the empty hall.
"How are you today?"
Roxas shrugged standing up fully.
"Wet?"
The redhead smiled at him and unzipped his own hoodie.
"Here..."
Roxas looked at the redhead like he was crazy.
"I can't take that... It's freezing out there today..."
Axel shrugged.
"I'm pretty warm blooded... Plus I'd feel awful if you caught a cold... Anything that makes life a little less stressful is welcome right?"
Roxas thought he caught a double meaning in Axel's words but reached out to take the hoodie anyway and noticed a small piece of Axel's exposed arm...
His eyes opened a little in surprise.
The redhead followed Roxas gaze and hastily pulling his shirt sleeve down handed Roxas his hoodie and picked up his backpack.
"Guess I should get to class..."
Roxas nodded lamely when Axel stopped and turned around again.
"Uh... See you at lunch?"
"... Sure, yeah..."
Axel smiled and nodded before turning his back and turning off the main corridor to go to his class.
Roxas stared at the hoodie in his hands and made his way to the nearest bathroom.
Checking around him he pulled his wet hoodie and t shirt off and turned on the hand drier...
The warm air on his hair and neck was a pleasant feeling...
/Why did he give me his hoodie... I mean... Why does he give a fuck if I get soaked coming to school or not...?/
His skin dried quickly under the warm air of the hand drier and once he was dry put Axel's hoodie on.
Everyone was in class, but he feared that someone could come in at any moment...
Fear coursed through his veins when he thought of someone else seeing his fresh cuts and scars...
They were easier to hide than explain...
Holding his t shirt under the hand drier he waitied for it to start to dry and thought again about Axel's exposed wrist.
/Was it a trick of the light...? Or did I actually see what I thought I saw there...?/
He moved his t shirt around in his hands so it wouldn't burn under the drier.
/I could ask him about it... But then I'd have to tell him about me... He knows.../
Roxas suddenly felt one of his fingers burning and pulled back quickly from the drier.
"Fuck!"
He put it into his mouth to try and ease the pain of it...
Moving into a cubicle he removed Axel's hoodie and pulled his t shirt back on...
It was warm from being under the drier...
Over it he put on Axel's black hoodie and carried his own wet one to his locker, opening it he hung the hoodie up carefully hoping that it might dry off a little by the end of the day.
He closed the door of his locker taking in the eerie silence of the corridors for a moment...
Then the bell rang and he noticed in fright that first class had already ended.
He was very very late.
He sat down in his next class and put his bag down next to him, Sora shot him a concerned look as he walked into the classroom.
Catching his eye he stopped for a moment.
"Everything okay this morning?"
The blonde nodded.
"You were late... I just thought..."
Roxas sighed.
"I just slept it out..."
Sora nodded.
"Okay... I- I'm glad you're alright..."
With that the brunette walked away and took his seat across the classroom.
Roxas watched him wanting to say something, but what could he say?
They'd tried to help, he'd tried his hardest, they'd given up and at the end of the day he'd been rejected.
He sighed and took out his notebook and English book and started to draw.
A face started to appear in front of him...
High cheekbones...
A pointed chin...
Spiked hair...
Tattoos under the eyes...
And those intense yet gentle eyes...
When he looked at the whole picture it was only a rough sketch...
He dropped his pencil surprised that this was what had come of his random sketching...
It was unmistakably him...
He sat back in his seat and rested a hand against his cheek.
Looking at the picture he sighed.
/If my friends could be as understanding as him... I guess we'd still be friends.../
He was staring at the teacher with mild interest...
But nothing she was saying was registering very well...
It was coming up to their 20 minute break and the urge was creeping up on him again...
He could feel his fingers tighten on the edge of the desk.
Trying to distract himself he started to think about a movie he'd watched last week...
About what he would do on the weekend...
Then his thoughts started to rush on to his mother, his father...
His so called friends...
Roxas urge to self harm was rising fast...
He chewed his bottom lip and tried to pay attention...
Blue eyes kept looking to his bag...
Roxas knew all too well that if he wanted to he could...
Did he want to?
Of course...
But something in him was dead set in fighting it today...
The bell rang...
He threw his things into his bag and left the room quickly...
It was breaktime now, he had 20 whole minutes to kill...
/Axel is probably in the canteen.../
His eyes looked at his bag again...
/You should go to the canteen you know you should.../
His feet however had different ideas and he turned at the last minute and he turned to the bathroom before the canteen...
Roxas could feel sweat building up on his forehead.
/I can't... But I need to.../
With that he pushed the door open and was greeted with a cold breeze and the smell of cigarette smoke.
Axel turned with a start.
"Oh... Should've known it was you..."
He nodded at Roxas with a slight smile and turned to face the window again to smoke his cigarette.
The blonde stared up at the tall figure leaning on the window ledge smoking out the open window.
"Did you dry off okay?"
Roxas nodded.
"Yeah I did... Thanks for the hoodie... I was freezing when I got in here..."
The redhead turned to face him.
"Like I said earlier any thing that eases the stress of your day is welcome right?"
Roxas nodded slowly his eyes gazing towards the bathroom stall...
The redhead caught this slight eye movement and threw the cigarette he was smoking out the window.
"So how about we go to the canteen and I buy us some coffee? We only have about 15 minutes left and I am nothing without my caffine in the morning..."
The blonde hesitated.
"Uhm... I..."
Axel sighed.
"Or I could stand here and smoke another cigarette while you go into that bathroom stall..."
The blonde looked into Axel's concerned eyes.
"I just... I... It's hard okay..."
The redhead nodded.
"I know it is... But if we walk away now we can get some coffee and talk about it if you want to... Maybe we can distract you for a bit..."
The blonde shook his head.
"Theres no hope for me... I've been through all sorts of distraction methods... I've tried everything I can think of..."
Axel shrugged.
"How about just talking about it?"
The blonde shook his head frantically.
"I can't it's just... Too hard... I can't even say it..."
The redhead smiled at him.
"I'm not asking you to say anything... All I'm asking is that you come with me to the canteen for a coffee..."
Roxas looked from Axel to the bathroom stall then slowly moved towards the door of the toilets and the redhead moved behind him...
The toilet door opened and Roxas stepped back out into the corridor Axel moved out after him and slowly they walked towards the canteen together.
Roxas was wide eyed and looked on the edge of panic.
Axel looked at him and stopped.
"Hey... We can go sit somewhere else if you'd like?"
"Uhm... Yeah... That might be better..."
The blonde looked pale and uncomfortable.
They took a seat on a bench not too far away from the canteen.
Roxas just seemed to stare at his feet forever.
Axel sat beside him and stared at the wall across the way almost afraid to see how bad Roxas looked.
"Man maths class sucked this morning... I only made it in for like the last ten minutes or something... He spent those last ten minutes questioning where I'd been... And he was accusing ME of wasting class time when he was the one who didn't stop going on about me being late for a quarter of the damn class... Stupid huh?"
Roxas nodded looking over at Axel.
"Yeah... I didn't actually make it to first class at all... I was getting dried off from the rain... Then Sor... An... Old friend was questioning me as to where I'd been for the whole class... He doesn't sit with me at lunch and barely talks to me anymore, but the minute I'm late for one class he gets all 'oh shit maybe he's fucking killed himself or something'... Although... The fact that he or the rest of them don't talk to me anymore isn't entirely their fault... They don't get..."
He looked at Axel willing him to understand.
"It..."
The blonde sighed.
"They don't understand why I do... It..."
Axel nodded returning his gaze.
"You'll find most people won't understand why you do it... Or how hard it is to stop doing it..."
Axel swallowed hard and looked away from Roxas.
"Unless they've done it themselves..."
Roxas looked at him with sudden understanding lighting up his eyes.
/So that's why.../
The bell rang and Axel stood up.
"I guess we should get going then..."
The blonde stood up and walked after Axel.
"Hey, meet you at lunch time?"
The redhead looked over his shoulder and nodded.
"Sure..."
Roxas stopped walking and looked down at his fidgeting hands.
This was the first morning break in months that he hadn't self harmed during...
Roxas watched as Axel walked away.
He had no idea why he cared, or why he wanted to help him, he knew little about Axel and Axel knew little about him...
But he had stopped him from self harming...
And for the first time in a while...
He felt a slight hope build up inside himself...
/If I can get through the morning without doing this... Then maybe I can get through more.../
A quiet determination found its way through his veins and he made his way to his next class.
No comments:
Post a Comment