Emo Roxas Fic for Ai Ani Chapter 3

Classes seemed to fly by as he distracted himself with drawing in his notebooks.

The urge was undoubtedly still there...

But as he immersed himself in improving the rough sketch he had started earlier, he found his strength growing little by little...

As if he was drawing his salvation there upon the page...

Through biology he shaded and made the picture more real...

The tattoos more defined...

Eyes so intense and green they looked as if they would blink at any moment...

Then the bell rang...

/Lunch time? Already?/

It was like he had been on autopiolet all morning, like his desires to harm himself had disappeared as if he had been sleeping...

He stretched out in his chair and packed the drawing away in his folder.

Sora stopped at his desk as if wondering if he should say something, then seemed to think better of it and instead simply nodded at Roxas before making his way out of the classroom.

The blonde watched him leave and then pulled his bag onto his shoulder and walked out of the classroom.

/Do I go to the toilets or do I go to the canteen... I guess he'll be expecting me to go into the toilets.../

With that he walked towards the toilets but before he was even inside Axel was walking out.

"Hey Roxas."

Roxas nodded feeling his gut tightening as they walked away from the toilet, Axel was walking calmly looking ahead.

"You know what? Canteen food sucks... Do you wanna go somewhere outside the school?"

Roxas cocked his head to the side.

"The nearest place is like a twenty minute walk..."

Axel raised an eyebrow.

"Yes but we won't be walking..."

The redhead grinned and pulled keys out of his pocket and jingled them at Roxas.

"You have a car?"

Axel nodded smiling happily.

"Yeah just don't be expecting anything amazing..."

Roxas grinned despite the urges that were now coursing through his veins.

"You okay?"

The blonde sighed heavily.

"It's just... Difficult..."

The redhead put his hands on Roxas shoulders.

"It will be... But you can get through it."

Roxas looked into his intense green eyes.

"I-I..."

Suddenly his self doubt was melting away again.

"You can do it..."

Roxas took a deep breath and Axel took his hands off Roxas' shoulders and smiled.

"There you go... One step at a time... Try and go for the next five minutes... And see how you feel after that okay?"

"Okay..."

"You've done the whole day so far... I mean like what's five minutes?"

The blonde was feeling determined but weak all at once...

"Come on..."

Axel grabbed his forearm and led him out into the car park, then hit a button on his keyring.

Somewhere in the car park an alarm disarmed, Roxas looked towards the source of the noise.

A silver two seater car appeared to be where the sound was coming from...

Roxas took a deep breath trying to ease his urges.

"I know you told me that your car isn't impressive... But well I'm impressed... This is a nice car..."

Axel smiled.

"It gets me from a to b and gets me some approving looks from chicks you know? So it's all good!"

Roxas laughed as Axel opened the door of the car for him to hop inside.

"Your chariot awaits..."

"I bet the girls love you..."

The redhead laughed.

"If they loved me that much I wouldn't be single right now would I?"

"Maybe you're just fussy? Or a player?"

Axel shrugged.

"Nah... I just haven't found the right one yet... You know?"

Roxas nodded in understanding.

"I know what you mean..."

Axel put the key in the ignition and started up the car.

"So what are you thinking would be good for lunch?"

The redhead looked over at Roxas.

"Try and think of something else Roxas, like food... Or hot girls... Or naked llamas..."

The blonde looked over at Axel.

"Naked llamas?"

The redhead pulled out of the parking space.

"Hey it worked didn't it?"

The blonde grinned then laughed.

"Yeah I guess it did..."

They drove around until they came to the exit and pulled out onto the main road.

"Hmmm... How about we go for pizza?"

"Pizza sounds great actually..."

"Cool... I know this great little pizza place about ten minutes away... You will not get pizza like theirs anywhere else... Plus the owner, Demyx always gives me discounts."

The blonde raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

Axel laughed.

"When you get to know me better you'll realise just how much pizza I eat..."

Roxas poked him in the side curiously.

"But you're so skinny!"

The redhead grinned.

"Just good genes I guess..."

Silence fell over the car and Axel turned on the radio...

Voices filled the car in the absence of their own...

"How you feeling?"

Roxas sighed.

"Weak, stupid... Like an idiot..."

Axel was looking at the road.

"You're not weak stupid or an idiot... What you're going through happens to the best of us..."

/Us...?/

Roxas gazed over at Axel.

"Us? Have you..."

He saw Axel's jaw tighten and his hands clench the steering wheel and decided to say no more.

"Here's the place..."

Roxas looked out the window at the little pizza takeaway and restaurant.

Axel pulled the car over and parked outside Roxas kept quiet and got out of the car.

The redhead stepped out and locked the car up and seeing Roxas expression sighed.

"Some day I'll explain... It's just tough right now..."

"Okay... I'll say no more about it..."

Axel walked towards the pizzeria then stopped and turned around.

"Hey..."

He took in the upset teens expression and without thinking walked over and hugged him.

"Come on... Lets go get some pizza okay?"

Roxas nodded his dark expression lightening a little.

"I'm sorry Axel. I didn't mean to pry..."

"Forget about it... Come on I'm starving..."



Roxas followed Axel into the restaurant where a blonde greeted them happily.

"Hello Axel and Axel's friend...?"

"Demyx this is Roxas."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Roxas! Will you be eating here or taking away today?"

"Uhm..."

Axel looked over at Roxas.

"How much longer do we have left?"

Roxas checked his phone.

"About twenty minutes..."

Axel sighed and looked at Demyx.

"I guess it's gonna have to be take away."

"No problem! What size and toppings would you like?"

Axel smiled.

"I'll have my usual!"

Roxas was staring off into space.

"Roxas?"

"Huh?"

"What do you want on your pizza and what size?"

"Oh uhm... Pepperoni ham and sweetcorn... And I'll have a medium... Thank you."

The blonde smiled and nodded.

"I'll try get it done as quick as possible!"

Roxas took a seat.

"So Axel how've you been?"

"I've been okay... Same old same old... You?"

Demyx smiled.

"Business has picked up, you must be keeping your promise!"

Axel grinned.

"Hey I brought you a new customer haven't I?"

Demyx smiled over at Roxas.

Axel started playing with a pen on the counter.

"So hows the family?"

"You mean Zexion? He's doing well! Living and working together is doing wonders for us!"

Axel laughed.

"I'm glad!"

Zexion came out from the back holding two boxes.

"Axel's special and one pepperoni ham and sweetcorn pizza!"

"Hey Zexion!"

"Hi Axel! Long time no see!"

"I saw you last week..."

"That is a long time for you to go without pizza and you know it!"

Axel nodded in agreement.

"True... Whats the damage?"

Demyx shook his head.

"You keep us in business Axel, so no charge."

The redhead smiled.

"Thanks a million Demyx, Zexion... Better run school awaits and we're probably gonna be late as it is..."

Axel grabbed the pizza boxes and made his way out the door.

"Enjoy!"

"Will do thanks again guys!"

Roxas smiled and waved as they made their way back to the car...

"Goddam it... Hey Roxas can you grab my keys?"

The blonde nodded.

"Sure where are they?"

"My pocket..."

Roxas flushed a little.

"Uhm... Maybe I'll just take the pizzas?"

Axel thought for a moment and then agreed.

"Yeah actually that might be a better idea..."

Roxas took the pizzas out of Axel's hands and the red head pulled the keys out of his pocket and opened the door for Roxas.

"You in? I'll need you to hold those for a little while... Is that okay?"

Roxas nodded and Axel hopped into the drivers seat and fastened his seat belt.

"Ready to go?"

The blonde shook his head.

"I can't get my seat belt on..."

The red head leaned over him and pulled his seatbelt from over his shoulder...

His body was close now...

Roxas nose caught a fragrance...

Some kind of cologne mixed with cigarette smoke...

On anyone else it would have been repulsive...

But somehow on him...

It was...

"Roxas?"

The blonde looked at Axel like a rabbit caught in headlights.

"Huh?"

"Are you okay holding the pizzas now?"

"Oh yeah... I'm sorry... I'm kinda out of it today..."

Axel smiled and started up the engine.

The blonde teen looked out the window at the passing city.

"You feeling okay?"

Roxas looked over at Axel and nodded.

"I'm feeling a bit better..."

The redhead pulled over under some shaded trees in front of a chain link fence beyond it was a park, with a sparkling pond and a few ducks swimming upon the gleaming surface of it.

"Hey we're gonna be late back anyway... We may as well enjoy it eh?"

Roxas looked at the park in front of them.

"I don't think I've been here before..."

Axel smiled.

"Surely you must've passed it at some stage..."

Roxas shrugged.

"Probably I just don't remember it being this, well nice..."

Axel took a pizza box off Roxas lap and opened it.

"This little one's yours..."

Roxas took the box from him and let Axel pull the other one off his lap, Axel planted the pizza box on his lap and eagerly opened it...

He picked up a slice and bit into it.

"Mmmmmm..."

The redhead closed his eyes as he relaxed back into his seat and enjoyed his food...

He looked like he hadn't a worry in the world, it was like he was just happy to be there, to be alive...

Roxas stared in wonder until the redhead suddenly opened his eyes again.

"What?"

The blonde shook his head rapidly as if shaking off dizziness or wet from his hair after being caught out in a down pour...

"Do I have food on my face or something...? And why aren't you eating? Don't you like pizza?"

The blonde looked down at the box on his lap and opened it, he had some questions for Axel but more than aware of the redheads gaze he picked up a slice and took a bite, as he chewed the flavour caught him by surprise.

"Wow... This pizza is actually really great..."

Axel grinned and Roxas smiled sheepishly down at the pizza on his lap.

The blondes eyes scanned the park as he smiled contentedly munching on a slice of pizza, but Axel's eyes were firmly glued to Roxas...

The redhead shook his head and fixed his eyes on the steering wheel.

"Maybe we should start heading back..."

Roxas sighed chewing on a pizza crust.

"Okay..."

Axel smiled.

"Well we don't have to go back..."

The blonde smiled.

"I know... But we should really..."

The redhead grinned.

"One half day would hardly do that much harm..."

The blonde glanced down at his lap then out the window.

"I guess I could say I didn't feel well...?"

The redhead grinned and pulled the car out of the parking space.

"But... My mom would kill me if she found out... She has so much going on right now and..."

Axel nodded wistfully and turned the car towards the school.

"Okay then... I guess you're right..."

Roxas fiddled with the corner of the pizza box.

"Maybe... We could do something over the weekend?"

The redhead smiled.

"Sure thing..."



The rest of the school day seemed to go quite slowly.

Roxas kept thinking of the park and the pizza and how easy it seemed...

Axel was someone who understood, completely, who gave him choices but tried to guide him at the same time...

/Why can't all my friends be like that...?/

He drifted through the day barely noticing anything or anyone.

Almost every teacher in every class commented or gave out to him for his lack of concentration, by the end of the day his head was resting on his forearms and he had his ear phones in...

Mind wandering endlessly thinking and trying to comprehend that finally someone got it...

So why did he still feel so sad?

He wandered out of school at the end of the day, it was raining again...

Sighing to himself he started to walk through the carpark when a silver two seater car pulled up beside him the door opened and Axel motioned for him to get inside.

"Hey! Hop in I'll give you a ride home."

Roxas happily accepted and jumped into the car beside Axel closing the cold wet day outside.

"Much better..."

"You cold?"

Axel turned up the heating in the car and started to drive out of the car park.

"Thank god it's Friday huh?"

Roxas shrugged.

"I never really liked weekends... Too much time to myself..."

The redhead kept his eyes on the road.

"Don't you have friends or siblings to chat to?"

Roxas shook his head.

"How about your parents?"

The blonde shook his head.

"My mom enquires about me... But I lie to her... A lot..."

He laughed a little.

"She still thinks I'm friends with Sor..."

Axel nodded.

"She still thinks everythings ok, that your friends haven't had enough of you and even if she suspects something is going on she thinks that your friends are supportive enough of you to get you through it because she doesn't wanna smother you?"

The blonde looked over at Axel wide eyed.

"What the fuck? Are you psychic or something?"

The redhead shook his head.

"Been there done that bought the t shirt..."

Roxas stared over at him.

"Uhm... Can I ask you something?"

Axel shrugged.

"You can ask... But I can't promise I'll answer."

Roxas nodded.

"Are you living at home with your parents?"

Axel's eyes were firmly on the road.

"Technically yes... Which way is it to yours?"

"Take the next right and keep going straight til you hit the lights then right again, what do you mean technically?"

"Well... My parents are divorced... My mothers an alcoholic and my dad well he's really strict and is a believer in physical punishment... I live between them if you get me. I'm trying to make it so that I can go and live with my older brother Reno... He wants me to move in with him but its taking time to make him my legal guardian... So for the moment I'm stuck inbetween my mother and father who are getting angrier at each other and at me for trying to get away from them by the minute..."

Roxas nodded.

"That must be tough..."

Axel shrugged.

"They're not all bad... They just have bad points and are going through tough times right now and I just can't deal with that."

Roxas nodded.

"This is my house here..."

Axel slowed down and pulled up in front of his house.

"I just have one more question..."

The redhead sat back in his seat and looked over at Roxas.

"Shoot..."

"Do you... Or have you... Self harmed...?"

Axel's face fell for a moment then he quickly regained his composure.

"The answer to that question... Will probably take a bit more time to explain... How about I swing by here tomorrow we go for a drive and I'll tell you all about it then?"

Roxas looked at Axel in wonder.

"Okay then..."

"I'll pick you up at about twelve?"

"Sure..."

Axel smiled.

"Take care and be good... You know what I mean."

Roxas nodded and waved as he walked up to his front door.

His mother opened it before he could get his keys in the door.

"Hey Roxas."

"Hi mom..."

"Who drove you home? Did Sora get a car?"

Roxas smiled and scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"Actually his name is Axel... He's someone I just started talking to."

His mother smiled and nodded.

"You made a new friend? Well that's great!"

"Yeah... In fact we're going out for a drive tomorrow."

"Are you not gonna meet Sora and go to the cinema like you usually do on a Saturday?"

"No... Uhm... Sora's really busy with Kairi lately anyway... So I'll probably be hanging out with Axel for the next few weeks you know?"

His mother nodded.

"Okay, well I gotta head out for a bit, theres tonnes of stuff in the fridge and freezer I've just been shopping... I'll be back in about an hour or two okay?"

"Sure... Thanks mom."

His mother hugged him and kissed him softly on the forehead and then left, the minute the door clicked shut behind her, his self belief started to crumble.

He went into the kitchen and tried to fix himself something to eat, but knives glistened everywhere, daring him to give in...

Turning away from the kitchen he walked into the living room and turned on the tv, music blared out of the speakers suddenly making him jump, he could feel his heart pounding in his chest now.

He moved to the sofa to sit, he could feel sweat beads forming on his forehead...

/I need to... I just can't take this!/

Standing up from the sofa he moved out towards the kitchen again, his eyes caught every sharp edge, every shining blade, glass mirrors anything that would provide a quick clean relief...

His feet moved as if they had a life of their own, his hand reached for a blade handle from the knife block...

Gripping the handle now he pulled it out of its wooden block slowly, admiring its clean shining edge...

His heart beat was fast he could physically feel it hammering against his ribs as he wielded the blade, control was in his hands again, he would feel his imprisoning freedom again...

The blade was mere inches from his skin now...

Coolness awash from root to tip of his shining blade...

His hands were shaking from sheer anticipation...

Centimetres now...

The doorbell rang suddenly, Roxas dropped the blade to the floor.

/What the...?!/

His blue eyes were wide as he went to open the door, his mind wanted one thing and one thing only...

The door swung open and there smiling sheepishly was Axel.

"Hey, you left your phone in my car and..."

Axel's eyebrows furrowed as he took in Roxas pale face.

"You... Don't look so good..."

The blonde could feel his face fall, he sucked in a breath and avoided Axel's gaze...

He turned his back on Axel and walked into his house running one hand through his hair breathing deeply.

"Hey, what's up?"

Roxas sat down at the kitchen table and stared at the shining knife he had dropped, Axel walked into the kitchen and looked over at Roxas, on following his gaze to the floor Axel walked to the knife, picked it up off the floor and put it back into the wooden block which held several chopping knives.

The redhead sighed and sat down at the kitchen table along with Roxas.

Roxas hands were balled into fists which he was intently staring at...

Axel spoke softly.

"Hey... Are you okay?"

The blonde shook his head violently.

Axel nodded understanding.

"Okay..."

He looked around the kitchen and listened for a moment then guessed that Roxas wouldn't be trying to cut if anyone was in.

"... Did you...?"

Roxas once again shook his head.

Axel sighed a breath out that he was unaware he was holding in.

"Well thats good... You could have and you didn't..."

There was a storm forming quickly behind the blonde teens eyes.

"The only reason I didn't was because when you rang the doorbell it made me jump and I dropped the knife..."

Axel shrugged.

"You could've ignored me knocking and done what you had intended to do... But you didn't, did you?"

Roxas shook his head tears falling freely down his face.

"No I guess I didn't..."

Axel smiled as Roxas stood up and moved out towards the hallway.

"But I just... I feel like... It doesn't mean I won't..."

Roxas walked up the stairs towards his room Axel followed up the stairs slowly...

"You know Roxas the only person who can stop you from doing that to yourself, is you..."

The blonde teens door slammed and Axel made his way up to the closed door and sat with his back against it.

"Remember, your mother cares for you... Your dad does too I'm guessing... He just doesn't know how or else doesn't get a chance to show it... And your friends... That brunette kid still cares too..."

Roxas on the other side of the door wiped tears away from his eyes.

"Sora doesn't give a fuck about me... None of them do, they left me when..."

"When...?"

Axel calmly waited for a response.

The blonde on the other side of the door balled his hands into fists and practically snarled.

"When I needed them most..."

The redhead nodded.

"Well it doesn't make up for past pain... But when you need someone now, I'm here... You just have to let me in..."

Roxas stood up from the floor and swung the door open causing Axel to fall backwards from his sitting position, onto his back on the wooden floor of Roxas bedroom.

The redhead grinned.

"Well that was easy..."

Roxas looked down at him with tears in his eyes.

Axel sat up and reached his arms out to Roxas who leaned down and hugged him tightly back.

"I just don't know what to do Axel..."

The redhead squeezed him tightly enjoying their closeness more than he knew he should be, he reached a hand up to stroke Roxas' blonde hair.

"You'll be okay..."

As Axel's fingers softly stroked the back of Roxas head things seemed to become tense...

And as soon as it had started Axel broke the embrace and let things snap back to normal...

/As they should be./

He told himself.

Roxas sighed deeply as they pulled away from each other wondering what it was that had just passed between them.

/I feel... Odd.../

As Roxas kneeled on the floor beside Axel he questioned himself momentarily and almost said what he wanted to say out loud, but let it slide for fear of where it might lead, of hurt...

They stared at each other for another few moments both somewhat aware of where this seemed to be going but not willing to accept it.

Axel cleared his throat and stood up dusting off his jeans and offered Roxas his hand as a help up off the floor which the blonde a little flustered by the thoughts running through his mind cautiously accepted.

The redhead gripped the blondes forearm and pulled him up a little harder than he had expected...

Roxas felt himself fall forward and put his hands against Axel's chest without thinking...

Blue eyes scanned up, from his chest, to his neck, his chin...

Then he saw acid green eyes staring right back down at him...

Axel tried to breathe softer as Roxas stared up at him...

He didn't want to startle him or scare him away, so he stilled himself, even his thoughts and contented himself with staring into the perfect blue of Roxas' eyes...

His heart was starting to race and he briefly wondered if Axel could hear it as loudly as he could, his breathing was beginning to become unsteady...

Without thinking he tilted his head up towards Axel letting his eyes fall closed...

The redhead let his eyes close and he leaned downwards...

The rattle of keys in the door startled them and they separated immediately.

Roxas walked over to his X Box and turned it on, he absently threw a controller towards Axel who caught it and following Roxas example of lounging casually on his bed silently sat down cross legged on the floor...

"Roxas?"

The blonde put down the controller and walked out of the room without so much as looking at Axel, the redhead listened as Roxas walked quickly down the stairs.

"Is someone here with you?"

Axel smiled from the top of the staircase down at Roxas' mother, he walked down casually and addressed his mother politely.

"Hello, I'm Axel... Sorry to intrude like this Roxas left his phone in my car, I was just dropping it back..."

The woman shook her head.

"No no! You're not intruding! Please stay as long as you like!"

Axel smiled.

"Thank you very much, but I really should be getting home..."

Roxas seemed to find his voice again.

"Or you could hang out for a bit, play some X Box, maybe we could order in some pizza later?"

The redhead smiled politely feeling unsure of himself.

"Well I guess I could call my bro and let him know where I am..."

Roxas tried what he thought was a warm and genuine smile at him but he knew that Axel could see right through it...

The blonde teen started off back up the stairs, Axel followed trying to smile and seem genuine...

"Oh, awesome car by the way!"

The redhead turned and flashed a brilliant smile at Roxas' mother before retreating back into Roxas' bedroom and closing the door behind him.

Roxas opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but thought better of it and closed it again.

Axel sat in silence as Roxas set up a lobby for them to play Left 4 Dead 2.

"So... What's this about anyway?"

Roxas shrugged not looking at him.

"Blast everything that gets in your way basically... Oh except the weird chick going around crying she's called the witch and believe me, you're better off just leaving her alone..."

Axel nodded and played through the first level terribly...

His mind was wondering what the hell was going on, but his hands were trying to press the right buttons to mangle zombies, he died less than half way through.

Letting out a long sigh he laid the controller down on the ground and said words that he didn't even want to hear himself saying.

"Roxas, we need to chat..."

The blonde kept playing.

"What's up?"

Axel sighed.

"What happened...? Back there...?"

"You got incapitated by a hunter and I got there too late to save you..."

Axel shook his head.

"No I mean before that... We almost..."

Roxas eyes seemed to glaze over.

"Oh... That..."

He paused the game and laid the controller lightly down on the bed in front of him, his eyes were on his hands now.

"Yeah... That... I... Well I..."

Axel took a deep breath and closed his eyes, he tried to say what he wanted to say again.

"I..."

Roxas moved off the bed silently and looking at Axel trying to get out what he was trying to say smiled kneeled down next to him and closed his own eyes.

Roxas' lips met Axel's softly...

Their hands remained stiffly at their sides as their lips kissed gently, separated and kissed again...

Then their lips separated, their eyes opened slowly...

Roxas looked into his eyes for a moment smiling shyly...

Then he scampered back onto his bed and unpausing the video game resumed playing.

Axel couldn't help but smile at his pink cheeks and flustered expression...

"So tell me, when does Rochelle come back as zombie Rochelle and chomp on your brains?"

Roxas laughed still clearly flustered.

"It doesn't work like that, we find you in a closet and let you out..."

"You let me out of the closet?"

"Yeah then your character..."

The blonde looked at Axel and started laughing.

"Talk about a one track mind... Jeez Axel!"

Axel grinned.

"Hey you can let me outta that closet anytime!"

Roxas shook his head.

"I wonder who is letting who out of the closet here..."

Their eyes met again for a moment and grinning they went back to playing the game.

"So when are you gonna let Rochelle out of this closet?"

"There should be one around here soon..."

"Awesome... You gotta admit though, I am crap at this game."

Roxas shrugged.

"I've seen much much worse... Okay you're the first I've seen to get smoked literally after being released from the closet... But thats just bad luck..."

Axel looked over at Roxas.

"Or maybe I'm just distracted...?"

The blonde smiled as Axel sat up on the bed next to him, and then they continued to play.